Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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