She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
