if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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