Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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