So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize