Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
