my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
