Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
