dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
