Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
