You're my little dorito
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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