Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
