I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
