There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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