May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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