The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
