I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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