I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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