That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize