My hand turned me down
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
