Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
