Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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