theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
