I love black thongs
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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