I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
a search helicopter?!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
