I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
