Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
