what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
