I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
