he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
did you just send me my own nude
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
