I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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