Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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