Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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