weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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