i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
