I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
