if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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