That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
