Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
