These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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