whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
