these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that's an acceptable place to lick
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
