I think my vagina is haunted
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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