you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
