Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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