She announced her abortion via fbk
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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