Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
