census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
