I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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