she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize