Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize