so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
