I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
