pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
