omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
