I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
