If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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