his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
