Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
