Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That accounts for only three of the penises
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
