My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize