Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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