READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
