I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
