New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
