I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
should my penis look like a turkey
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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