My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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