Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's never too late to be topless.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
