bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
