Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
