have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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