My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
