i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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