Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
