WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
