I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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