sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
