Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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