If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
