Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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