ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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