the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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